If you find yourself needing one of our trademark mediocre watercolour paintings for your business or home, here is a list of the categories that we paint, to give you an idea of what you will be commissioning.
(For legal reasons, we cannot show you any examples of our previous work, as they have been scientifically proven to be too boring to look at through a computer monitor and may result in you deleting the browser from your machine.)
Here are just some of the categories that we will happily paint for you:
Seascapes
If you want roiling green oceans, dotted with intricately realised ships and boats, then our services are not for you. We offer only calm, blue seas and insist on only one moderately-sized sailing ship in the centre third. (Having no ships is unfortunately not an option.)
Peaceful Meadows
If your tastes skew more towards the peaceful countryside, several of our artists specialise in a rich, golden sun setting over a field of hay bales. We make them add clouds, just in case it becomes too artistically interesting.
Farmyard Scenes
If you’d like a rural slice of life, we have produced many pieces of art highlighting the rustic life on a farm. We offer packages featuring one large livestock animal (ie. a cow), or three smaller livestock animals (ie. chickens, pigs, etc.).
A Single Interesting Flower
‘Interesting’ is defined as any flower with a distinctive shape or colour that will draw the eye. Examples include roses, lilies, petunias and cacti.
Several Uninteresting Flowers
Our artists specialise in producing images of boring vases that are more interesting than the flowers they contain. For this reason, we offer a new package of several (2–3) bland flowers arranged neatly-enough in a beige vase.
Vincent van Gogh’s ‘Starry Night’
While both artistically important and stunning to behold, this piece is so familiar to the everyman and woman that it instantly becomes boring to even glance at. (This piece is produced in conjunction with the Reformed Forgers Group out of Sydney, looking to give convicted art forgers valuable places in our society.)